What is “Mindfulness”?
We’ve all heard it before: be mindful! Sure, sounds easy enough. But, what exactly does being “mindful” mean? Mindfulness can have broad definitions, but in psychotherapy, it is often defined as a psychological state of awareness of our own experiences. It is an important staple in many different types of therapy, including Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). The key point to remember when it comes to being mindful is that your thoughts and emotions are not fixed, they are free-flowing, and they come and go. Why is this helpful to note? Well, when we experience so-called “negative” emotions, such as anger, frustration, or irritation, it can be easy to over-identify with the feeling. Some of us can easily spiral into thinking we actually are that thought, feeling, or emotion. Self-deprecating forms of thinking can also be triggered, i.e. “I’m mad at my boss, so this must mean I’m an angry person,” or, “I’m irritated with my spouse, so I must be a cranky person.” Sure, you might feel upset and angry, which is okay! However, experiencing negative emotions does not necessarily translate into your being an “upset” person overall, or an “angry” person at your core. Emotions are free-flowing, they come and go, and they pass, both positive ones and the negative ones. Of course, negative emotions can understandably be tough to cope with, but it’s important to remember that there is validity to your feelings, and you’re feeling the way you do for a reason. Just like there is a range of colors in a rainbow, there is a range of emotions we experience in our lives. Remaining mindful of your current emotion, and understanding your triggers and responses to that emotion, can help you find your own equilibrium. In therapy, it can be really helpful to identify these patterns in your own unique situation. So, how do you remain mindful? Here are some quick starter tips to keep in mind: Observe Your Emotion Experience Your Emotion Don’t Over-Identify With Your Emotion Engage in Appreciating, Owning, and Respecting How You Feel How can practicing mindfulness be helpful for you? Research points to a lot of advantages, such as stress reduction, improved memory, reduced emotional reactivity, increased focus, relationship satisfaction, and physical health benefits. Meditation and yoga have become increasingly popular forms of mindfulness-based activities and exercises that can help you hone in on promoting overall well-being. Questions or comments? Reach out, I’m here to help! ...
Read MoreJudgmental? You Be The Judge!
When first meeting someone, we’ve all been guilty of making assumptions and forming preconceived notions about them. The interplay that takes place between both parties’ verbal, visual, and behavioral cues is what informs our judgment of that person. We may harbor preconceptions about people, and these can often, and unsurprisingly, be inaccurate. For example, you may embark upon meeting someone for the first time on a date, or at a job interview, with relatively high expectations based upon facts you learned (i.e. “googling” the person online, or getting feedback from a trusted source who spoke highly of them), only to be left with disappointment. Or, you may meet someone for the first time with relatively low expectations based upon the facts you learned, and surprisingly find out that you absolutely hit it off. The point here is that things aren’t always as they seem, yet many of us fall victim to letting our preconceived notions about others get in our own way. It’s a part of the human condition to ascribe a certain level of judgment, though, based on facts and evidence we discover. The problem for many, however, is maintaining certain preconceived notions about others as being absolute truths, as opposed to taking the time to really get to know someone beyond the externals. We’ve all heard the adage, “don’t judge a book by its cover,” and we must make effort to look beyond our own preconceptions of what we assume others to be like, in order to see the whole of that person in a more all-encompassing way. It’s important to note that this is also a way we process information and make decisions. From a safety standpoint, especially if you are in a situation where imminent harm or danger may be present (think fight-or-flight response, a physiological systemic process that we’ve maintained as an evolved species, to help protect ourselves when we sense danger), exercising good judgment is crucial to survival. Using our best judgment to make decisions is something we do on a daily basis, and we’re on autopilot as it’s occurring. For example, you lock the door to your home before you go to work, using your better judgment as a mode of protecting your home from break-ins. Another example is looking both ways before you cross the street, using your better judgment to protect your own physical safety. If we are to imagine a world in which we neglected to exercise a healthy level of judgment, then there would likely be chaos in our everyday lives. In the above scenarios, judgment is absolutely necessary, and a positive thing to embrace. You might notice that some individuals may start their sentences with a “heads-up” type of statement: a warning that they’re about to pass judgment on someone. They may then have difficulty taking responsibility for the fact that they are about to do so, such as, “I don’t mean to be judgmental, but …,” and then they state their judgment/opinion. Or they may start their sentence with, “I’m not judging you, but …,” and then you hear their judgment. If we are truly honest with ourselves, we all have opinions, thoughts, judgments, and points of view that will generally differ from person-to-person. Another example that comes to mind is that of a court of law, in which the judge and jury will make a judgment about someone’s fate, based upon the evidence that’s being presented on the case. Or how about when you go on a job interview? You are being judged by the interviewer, as you are also judging them, based on the...
Read MoreMoving Forward: Past to Present
One of my favorite phrases is “moving forward.” Life is constantly changing, and it is important for us to change with it, moving from past to present. There is no pause button on the passage of time, which leaves us little choice but to continue moving forward. We need to adjust to the ebbs and flows and inevitable changes that take place in our lives, as swimming against these currents can lead to frustration, distress, pain, and burnout. It’s easy for us to get stuck in the past, and to ruminate over the things we could have, should have, or would have done differently. We worry about this stuff. We all make mistakes, and we all have our faults. Although it’s important to look at our own self-defeating patterns and personal shortcomings, we simultaneously need to evolve by using our unique positive strengths, to move forward in our lives. Here are four helpful steps to help you accomplish this: 1) Accepting Reality: Whether an issue is resolved or not, some people can still feel stuck in that experience. Exploring all of your options and trying your very best, though, is sometimes all you can do. Accept that it may be time to move forward and let things go if circumstances aren’t working out the way you hoped. Accept that perhaps you’ve changed, or certain situations may not be working for you anymore. And that is truly okay. Remember, you are in control of your own life. 2) Recognizing Your Emotions: I often tell people that if they do not look at their “negative” emotions closely, they will consequently boil, simmer, and erupt like a volcano. Nobody wants that! Or their emotions will be “shelved” for a while, and their compartmentalized feelings will become so heavy on that shelf, that this system of support will eventually collapse. Nobody wants to break, and nobody wants to hurt, but we’ve all been there. It’s a part of the human condition, and it’s universally uncomfortable. Moving forward often requires you to practice mindfulness in paying attention to your emotions, while understanding your triggers as well as your responses to these emotions, so that you can better manage your feelings and learn how to deal with them proactively. 3) Seeking New Outlets: If we look back at our pasts, we’ll be thrilled and ecstatic and joyous about some things, and sad, disappointed, or upset about others. Continuing to expose yourself to new experiences and meeting new people can promote growth, well-being, and learning, which also helps you move forward. 4) Coping Routines: Establishing a coping routine for yourself will help you move forward, as opposed to staying stuck in the past. Coping mechanisms differ for each one of us, so what may work for a friend of yours may not work for you. Identifying healthy routines, activities, and behaviors can definitely help propel you forward. My final thought on moving forward? Be true to...
Read MoreA Thoughtful Dance: Mind-Body Synchronization
There are so many facets that represent who we are as human beings: our thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and everything in between. Like a well-oiled machine, our minds and bodies work in tandem to create a certain energy and flow, and these processes influence the ways we present ourselves to the world. Are you in tune with it all? Think about a live orchestra playing beautiful music. At first, it may sound uniform, like a harmonious blend of something singular. Just a single piece of music. But if we look further at this example, it becomes apparent that there are numerous components that comprise the whole of what we experience as being the music. The violins, flutes, cellos, harp, etc. The written piece of music, the notes on the page. The musicians themselves executing the delivery of the piece through their physical bodies, using their very own breath and fingertips to deliver the music to the audience. These individual systems fuse together to become one: they are parts of a whole system. If you’ve ever had the opportunity to see a live orchestra playing music, you can witness the physical evidence of mind-body synchronicity taking place. Serious musicians no doubt connect to their music, and literally feel its presence in their bodies. As an audience member, you can see their movements as proof of their relationship to the music. They may close their eyes in response to emotions the music evokes within them, or they may sway ever so slightly, or even dramatically, in their chairs. The conductor’s physical presence empowers the orchestra to play with utmost passion and precision. Their mental conceptualization, delivered via physical ability, results in non-verbal, emotional expression. Without these parts fusing together, the music you hear can’t be performed at its most transcendent. Elaborating further, let’s pretend that there are dancers who are going to perform to the live orchestra’s musical accompaniment. Without the support of the orchestra, the dancers will have a very difficult time performing the choreography of the piece. They need the orchestra to deliver their part by playing the music, so that they can then execute both a physical and emotional response in telling a story to the audience with their bodies. This interrelatedness is crucial to the performance, and highlights exactly how being in tune with the many systems within yourself, and perhaps even outside of yourself, can lead to a – dare I say it – a standing ovation. The end product is something to be proud of, and something to celebrate. I like to use this example of separate forms of expression coming together (music and dancing) to highlight how the blending of our mental, physical, and emotional selves is vital to the development of our well-being. Now, I’m not saying that you need to be a musician or dancer to understand the gist of this concept. What I’m highlighting here is that functioning at your very best, in any capacity, requires paying attention to the parts of yourself that comprise who you are, including mental, physical, and emotional aspects. For instance, if you ignore your ”physical” aspect and hardly ever exercise, you might be increasing your risk for heart disease or obesity. If you neglect your “mental” aspect, you might be left feeling bored, unchallenged, and stuck in a rut at work. If you brush aside your “emotional” aspect, you may notice that interpersonal issues are surfacing, and you might succumb more readily to negative moods and depression. Connecting with, utilizing, and paying attention to the facets that make us who we are, can assist in creating...
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