Finding Fulfillment
As everyone’s dreams, goals, and desires vary greatly, it is understood that the search for fulfillment will vary from person-to-person. In finding fulfillment, how do you approach a journey of self-discovery, and connect with your authentic voice, as the chapters of your life unfold? An important thing to realize, when it comes to finding fulfillment, is that learning, adaptability, and change are common themes. Fulfillment reveals itself at the hands of its creator, as his or her morals, values, and beliefs are exercised in a personally meaningful way. This can help to influence and shape the vision of what that individual aspires to achieve. What may be unhelpful in the quest for fulfillment is comparing yourself to others in a way that is detrimental to your well-being. A tendency to compare yourself to others shifts the focus away from yourself, which can make it increasingly difficult to tap into, and operate from, a place of authenticity. Comparing yourself to others may contribute to a feeling of lack of control of, and ownership in, your own life. Focusing too much on what other people might think about you can also serve as an avoidance mechanism when it comes to connecting with, embracing, and living out your own definitions of a fulfilling life. It is important to note that we all have unpleasant events that crop up in our lives, but that we can even find fulfillment in times of difficulty. We learn about ourselves within the contexts of our own lives; our stories form an ongoing narrative by which we learn who we are as people. And although joy is an emotion many of us want to experience when it comes to leading a fulfilling life, we might not know the depths of such joy had we not been exposed to some struggle and disappointment. Having varied experiences can allow us to appreciate the positive when it comes our way. Finding fulfillment can be approached as an ongoing, creative journey. It does not have to be completely defined in a quick snapshot: it can be approached as a process that allows room for growth and change on a personal level. The path each one of us chooses represents who we are on a multitude of levels: emotionally, psychologically, spiritually, physically, intellectually, and beyond. Our subjective and unique experiences, perceptions, and perspectives can inform our personal definitions of what finding fulfillment means to each of us. Thoughts, comments, or questions? Feel free to reach out and...
Read MoreWhat is “Mindfulness”?
We’ve all heard it before: be mindful! Sure, sounds easy enough. But, what exactly does being “mindful” mean? Mindfulness can have broad definitions, but in psychotherapy, it is often defined as a psychological state of awareness of our own experiences. It is an important staple in many different types of therapy, including Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). The key point to remember when it comes to being mindful is that your thoughts and emotions are not fixed, they are free-flowing, and they come and go. Why is this helpful to note? Well, when we experience so-called “negative” emotions, such as anger, frustration, or irritation, it can be easy to over-identify with the feeling. Some of us can easily spiral into thinking we actually are that thought, feeling, or emotion. Self-deprecating forms of thinking can also be triggered, i.e. “I’m mad at my boss, so this must mean I’m an angry person,” or, “I’m irritated with my spouse, so I must be a cranky person.” Sure, you might feel upset and angry, which is okay! However, experiencing negative emotions does not necessarily translate into your being an “upset” person overall, or an “angry” person at your core. Emotions are free-flowing, they come and go, and they pass, both positive ones and the negative ones. Of course, negative emotions can understandably be tough to cope with, but it’s important to remember that there is validity to your feelings, and you’re feeling the way you do for a reason. Just like there is a range of colors in a rainbow, there is a range of emotions we experience in our lives. Remaining mindful of your current emotion, and understanding your triggers and responses to that emotion, can help you find your own equilibrium. In therapy, it can be really helpful to identify these patterns in your own unique situation. So, how do you remain mindful? Here are some quick starter tips to keep in mind: Observe Your Emotion Experience Your Emotion Don’t Over-Identify With Your Emotion Engage in Appreciating, Owning, and Respecting How You Feel How can practicing mindfulness be helpful for you? Research points to a lot of advantages, such as stress reduction, improved memory, reduced emotional reactivity, increased focus, relationship satisfaction, and physical health benefits. Meditation and yoga have become increasingly popular forms of mindfulness-based activities and exercises that can help you hone in on promoting overall well-being. Questions or comments? Reach out, I’m here to help! ...
Read MoreMoving Forward: Past to Present
One of my favorite phrases is “moving forward.” Life is constantly changing, and it is important for us to change with it, moving from past to present. There is no pause button on the passage of time, which leaves us little choice but to continue moving forward. We need to adjust to the ebbs and flows and inevitable changes that take place in our lives, as swimming against these currents can lead to frustration, distress, pain, and burnout. It’s easy for us to get stuck in the past, and to ruminate over the things we could have, should have, or would have done differently. We worry about this stuff. We all make mistakes, and we all have our faults. Although it’s important to look at our own self-defeating patterns and personal shortcomings, we simultaneously need to evolve by using our unique positive strengths, to move forward in our lives. Here are four helpful steps to help you accomplish this: 1) Accepting Reality: Whether an issue is resolved or not, some people can still feel stuck in that experience. Exploring all of your options and trying your very best, though, is sometimes all you can do. Accept that it may be time to move forward and let things go if circumstances aren’t working out the way you hoped. Accept that perhaps you’ve changed, or certain situations may not be working for you anymore. And that is truly okay. Remember, you are in control of your own life. 2) Recognizing Your Emotions: I often tell people that if they do not look at their “negative” emotions closely, they will consequently boil, simmer, and erupt like a volcano. Nobody wants that! Or their emotions will be “shelved” for a while, and their compartmentalized feelings will become so heavy on that shelf, that this system of support will eventually collapse. Nobody wants to break, and nobody wants to hurt, but we’ve all been there. It’s a part of the human condition, and it’s universally uncomfortable. Moving forward often requires you to practice mindfulness in paying attention to your emotions, while understanding your triggers as well as your responses to these emotions, so that you can better manage your feelings and learn how to deal with them proactively. 3) Seeking New Outlets: If we look back at our pasts, we’ll be thrilled and ecstatic and joyous about some things, and sad, disappointed, or upset about others. Continuing to expose yourself to new experiences and meeting new people can promote growth, well-being, and learning, which also helps you move forward. 4) Coping Routines: Establishing a coping routine for yourself will help you move forward, as opposed to staying stuck in the past. Coping mechanisms differ for each one of us, so what may work for a friend of yours may not work for you. Identifying healthy routines, activities, and behaviors can definitely help propel you forward. My final thought on moving forward? Be true to...
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