Are you Sensitive, Critical, or Supportive?
Many of us have encountered people who are either sensitive or insensitive, who are critical in a constructive manner or to a nasty fault, and those who have either had our backs in exercising unconditional support, or who have wanted to mentally and emotionally “check out” from us. Where do you fall? Where do your friends and loved ones fall? Below are some quick examples and scenarios to help you tap into whether you’re mindful of being sensitive, critical, or supportive: Sensitive – You may have gotten a promotion at work. Or you got engaged or married. Or you had your first baby. Congratulations! However, those around you might not be experiencing such good fortune in these areas, and could very well be struggling. Maybe certain folks in your circle just lost their job, or went through a bad breakup, or are having difficulties getting pregnant. Be sure to celebrate your good news, but also be sure to step outside of yourself to reflect upon what other people might be going through as well. Check in with your loved ones about where they might stand. They will likely appreciate it. Critical – Before you judge, jump to a conclusion, or let your personal opinion take over, STOP! Talk to your friend or loved one about some differences or patterns you may be noticing in their behavior. Exercise kindness. You can ultimately even agree to disagree. The important thing is to ask them how they’re feeling, and to see if there’s anything you can do to help. An overly critical individual may be harboring deep insecurities, fear, jealousy, or anger. In such cases, additional help may be necessary. Supportive – Friends and loved ones exercise openness and kindness when it comes to the people they care about. If you notice that certain people in your life put you down, or see matters only through their own lens of perspective, then you are likely not in a supportive situation. Open up a conversation about where things stand, and express your take on matters. Ultimately, if people choose to be unsupportive of, or uncaring about what’s going on in your life, it may be best to take a break and revisit the issues after a period of time, or to ultimately let them go. Do you know anyone who is struggling with sensitivity, criticism, or support? Do you wonder if those around you are helpful or hindrances? Reach out to comment or register questions about your particular situation! ...
Read MoreBallet Dancer: Two tips beyond the tips of your toes
If you are a ballet dancer, or if you’ve ever studied ballet, you know the feeling that comes over you when you’re up “en pointe,” and you feel as if the sky’s the limit. The energy swooshes up inside of you, and you’re pulled up, elevated, as poised as can be. You’re almost frozen in time … breaking free of earth’s gravity and ascending to greater heights. Whether you’re executing an endlessly lengthened, glorious arabesque, or you’ve managed to stay up on your toes long enough to perform a series of pirouettes and fouettes, that sensation of height, energy, and control is like no other. And of course, balance is one of the key elements that helped get you there! I see a lot of parallels between life and dance, probably because of my own history as a ballet dancer. I’ve learned that just as balance is crucial in dance, it is also vitally important in life. Every day is a balancing act! How do we achieve balance? In my work as a psychotherapist, when I’m in session with dancers, musicians, actors, and other types of artists, a theme regularly emerges: artists often struggle as they work tirelessly to perfect the artistic integrity of their craft. It is very easy to get caught up in that one piece, that one performance, and focus can significantly narrow to achieve a masterful outcome. This type of dedication, discipline, and concentration is required. It is a given, and necessary for artists. But what about the rest of your life? Balance is key. Balance is what can actually help you to excel artistically. Here are two tips that may help you achieve balance in other areas of your life, beyond the tips of your toes: 1. Pay attention to your relationships Be sure to maintain contact with your loved ones. It can be very easy to become isolated when you’re so hard at work on your artistic ventures. Try your best to maintain contact with at least one close friend or family member in your social support network on a daily basis, if possible, to prevent increased isolation and to combat potential depressive symptoms. I know, I know … schedules and rehearsing can all get a bit overwhelming, and it feels like there is no time for anything else. But with constant developments in social media and other forms of communications technology, there’s really no excuse to not be connected: our loved ones are closer to us than ever before, often just a click or tap away. Stay in touch with the outside world! 2. Increase your self-care efforts Burnout as a result of stress is common, and so is exhaustion. Don’t let it wipe you out! Instead, take control. Be sure to replenish yourself by getting enough sleep, and by eating healthy, balanced meals. Relaxation techniques, meditation, visualization, and breathing exercises can also help you to secure your equilibrium. If you’re experiencing physical pain, don’t let it go unchecked. We’re human, and injuries happen. Sometimes, we’re prone to rationalizing to ourselves instead of listening to our bodies, because we want to keep going out of fear that our role will be given away, or that another opportunity won’t arise for us in the future. Please don’t succumb to this thinking! It’s much better to figure out what is going on with your body than to push through and possibly do additional harm. Injuries are among the most common pitfalls in a dancer’s life, so please be sure to get any unusual aches and pains looked at closely by a doctor. Prevention is...
Read MoreReciprocity: Strengthening Your Support Network
Many of us have people in our lives who fulfill a particular function, and our healthiest relationships are based upon reciprocal and mutual satisfaction. For example, you may show love for a friend by sending her a surprise chocolate gift basket when you know she’s in the midst of a bad breakup. She may then reciprocate at a later juncture, perhaps by covering the bill on your next catch-up lunch date together. This example of reciprocal kindness can be a recipe for building a stronger bond, and thereby stronger support, with your friend. That’s not to say you need to buy gifts for others in order to strengthen your relationships with the individuals in your life. What I’m alluding to are various forms of expressions of kindness. These can be verbal courtesies (such as saying ‘please’ or ‘thank you,’ which many of us are often too rushed to say), which can truly go a long way when it comes to solidifying your network. How many times have you not said ‘thank you’ to the cashier or barista working the counter at your favorite coffee shop in the morning? If you’re not guilty, great! Keep it up. Because I bet that if you routinely express appreciation and kindness for others, then the people you see day-in and day-out will remember you. And within the context of that daily experience, you’ll have connected with someone who you’ve affected, no matter how minute the gesture may be. And maybe they will reciprocate in kind the next time they see you, in whatever fashion they choose that is unique to them. Maybe the barista will give you a larger cup of coffee on the house, because they appreciated that you remembered their name. Maybe the cashier will compliment your coat because they thought it was kind of you that you asked them how their day was going. The give-and-take nature of relationships should not be taken for granted. When any relationship becomes too one-sided, or insular, emotions such as resentment and anger can stew and simmer. If you notice that someone is a ‘giver’ and the other is a ‘taker,’ negative emotions are likely to surface, and potentially cause damage to the relationship. If you recognize this in any of your relationships, it is important to take time to reflect upon the dynamic occurring within the context of the relationship, and to make an effort to discuss your perspective with the individual. This can apply to all sorts of relationships: in the work environment, with family members, or in romantic relationships. A dynamic of balanced reciprocity is needed in order for the relationship to work in a healthy way. It is sometimes difficult to identify the people who you know you can count on, and who may qualify as your support network. I’d suggest maintaining awareness of your own behaviors, which can be a great starting point and reflective tool. You are a mirror to the world, and what you put out there is likely to be reflected back to you. You have the power to project your positive qualities to all those you encounter. People will notice if you do! One last tip: surround yourself with positive people and relationships. Begin identifying the people you admire, the people who inspire you, and the people who take a genuine interest in you. You never know … a small exchange of reciprocity can evolve into an interpersonal bond that can strengthen in a supportive way over...
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